Battle of the Bulge Update
I’m so original coming up with that name, Battle of the Bulge, aren’t I? I thought it had a better ring to it than “Wine vs. Ass: The Epic Showdown.” Hmmm, but now that I think about it, that is a pretty awesome name for a war, too.
Anyways, I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath to know the score.
Wine: 1; Ass: 1
Today ass was the winner. See, I slept in and didn’t go to my Tuesday morning spin class. I mean if my body wants to sleep, it must need sleep and I am not one to deny anyone or anything sleep.
So, to make up for it, I went to the gym after work. Which btw, I hate, hate, hate going to the gym after work. It is so crowded and I feel extra dirty from all the sweat being flung around by sweaty people. This was not helped by the morbidly obese (I am not kidding) woman who wanted to strike up a conversation in the locker room while I changed and while she stood there naked. Now, I am all like, “You go girl, I’m glad you’re here working out and I’m not going to judge you for being obese because I’m not all judgey like that.” but I am thinking, “OMG! Don’t talk to me naked. I can’t stop staring at your body trying to figure out how…. it works.” Seriously, don’t even try to tell me that you haven’t watched 650-Pound Virgin and been perplexed at how anyone in the world can even weigh that much. And before you go all NAAFA on me, let me just clarify that I don’t want ANY stranger, skinny or fat, to talk to me about their deepest thoughts while they stand there all nekkid up in my face.
Anywho, back to my point. I worked out for like 30 minutes and then was like… gah, I just want a glass of wine… so I left, BUT when I was leaving the gym, trainer people were standing by the exit doing this new thing where they will tell me my body fat percentage, type something into a computer, sprinkle sparkles on me and then the computer magically churns out how much weight I should/could lose.
My results: lose 15 pounds. FUCK!
But gain 10 pounds of lean mass. FUCK! (don’t want to gain ANYTHING)
But after I freaked, Rick the trainer explained, it works out to losing 5 pounds overall. YES!
So, I’m meeting with a trainer (again) on Saturday so I can really get legit about this.
Go team Ass!
Update: This (below) is what the magic gym computer also told me. Apparently, if I lose 5 pounds, it will be like I’m 25 again. (and for the record, I won’t be 28 for a few more weeks)
